New York Post Dating: Second Place is a Set Of Steak Knives (but unfortunately, no visits from the chef)

Just in case you need a reminder, here's where to go to find the world's bestest ever dating column...

Dena could have picked Ari (I see that half of the online readers did), but instead went with Dan (who I surmised may have ego problems and lusty intentions; am I allowed to say that about other people if that's a perfect description of myself? Just asking). How did the date go? Let's find out:

First, I should mention that they went to "a brand-new hot spot, Ludo, in the East Village." Ludo's landlord just revised next year's lease and added a few zeroes at the end of the rent. Anyway,

He said: Dena looked great, and she has an easy conversational style, which made the date very easy.

Dan, I'd love to make fun of your vague and lazily-worded half-hearted compliments, but it's just too easy.

In order for a date to go well for me, it's important that a girl laughs at my jokes, and she did just that, all night long!

While we all marvel at Dan's complete failure of modesty, I should make an open announcement that if you're female and you laugh at this blog, I will submit myself to you. And make you breakfast in the morning, too.

Ludo was an excellent date spot

blah blah blah Ludo's great, the chef came out, gave us his home phone number, and told us to call him if we ever needed anything at any time. Okay, I just added that last part in. But you get the point.

As the date wound down we discussed grabbing some drinks elsewhere, but unfortunately I had to get up early, so we exchanged numbers and called it a night.

Meh. That sounds lame. So does this:

As for us seeing each other again, I'm not entirely sure because as much fun as the date was, I'm a fairly tall person and I generally prefer girls who are taller. Who knows, though? Crazier things have happened.

Well, Dena would indeed be crazy if she continued to pursue this dork. Don't get me wrong, Dena had a fun time and used this opportunity to experience a night out on a date after the end of a long-term relationship - those are good things. However, this guy is totally not a good fit for Dena, and it's all because of him. Even though she thought many positive things about him from their night together, she should squash any idea of pursuing him further. I'm hoping that I don't have to tell her that, and that his writeup speaks for itself.

After some thought and hesitation, I call this date a success. Although a long-term match won't likely (and absolutely SHOULD NOT) result from the experience, I see that two young not-evil people had a nice time. Tom and Mackenzie sort of did their job right on this one. The story is that a girl coming out of a long-term relationship had a good start getting back into the dating scene. That's a New York happy ending if I've ever seen one.

Now, will we be happy with next week's date? Let's see:

MEET Megan, a beautiful commercial advertising sales assistant...

I would like to recuse myself from writing further about Megan, but I cannot because I'm the only writer in the house tonight and this post would go unfinished. So, a bit of disclosure is necessary: I fit very well with Megan's desires. It's almost spooky when she starts mentioning the "BBD" stuff, because I've been very clear about avoiding that sort of problem in the past (as she also wishes to do). I think she's cute, sensible, and right up my alley. I've been doe-eyed over some prior contestants, but with Megan I simply think that we're a very logical fit. Expect me to be overly critical of her male choices in a few minutes.

Continuing:

who describes herself as outgoing, ambitious, thoughtful and adventurous.

Jeez, I wrote that about myself. I never realized it sounded so contrived and self-congratulatory. Then again, for Megan you can add "straightforward" and "concise" to the list, and maybe I can overlook the potential (not certainty) of Megan's ego being out-of-control. Maybe she's just self-assertive in a good way? It's my job to point out that either is possible, and both are equally likely without further conclusive evidence. Also, to repeat a sentiment from earlier, I'd be a perfect fit for her. In poker terms, I'll see her "self-congratulatory" and raise her a "megalomaniac".

I very strongly observed this: she expects to be impressed. She has high sights for an ideal date, so whoever gets picked will have to put in some effort to make this thing work out. Now, let's get to that part of things:

Jason's a 23-year-old sales executive. "Coffee's for closers", eh Jason? You'll need to be a closer to win Megan's heart. Let's see if he has what it takes:

I'd say I am very ambitious and confident. Despite the fact that I am only 23, I have laid out specific goals that I've set for myself in both my professional and personal life.

Okay, he's a good fit!

What do you like to do when you're not working? I'm usually in the gym, riding motorcycles, going to the movies, traveling, and going for walks around Manhattan.

"Uhhh, which way is the gym? I'll check it out..." Heh heh. Other than that part and the fact that he's 23 (quite young), I see nothing wrong with his potential to make this work. We'll keep him in mind as a solid pick.

Next, Chris the cop. Megan, do you like the Yankees?

I'd love someone that is also into sports and would want to watch them with me.

Pop fly, infield, caught by Jeter for the out.

Finally, we have Matt, who seemingly needs a posture lesson based on his picture. He's standing in some sort of a combination of a slouch and a fey hand gesture. Matt's a little older than Megan (it appears). That's not a bad thing. But this is:

My personality is the selling point, I think.

Matt's self description matches his posture. I think he's nice, and Megan might like him, but this would be strictly a "friends-only" type setup. While we're here, let's take a story break:

What was your worst date ever? I went out with a girl who picked the most expensive restaurant in my town, then proceeded to order expensive food - of which she ate about three bites. The bill came, and she made not even the slightest offer to pay. All she did the entire evening was complain about how past ex-boyfriends had treated her poorly. After dinner, she suggested a coffee shop that had ice cream and board games. I wasn't a fan of this girl, so I was not inclined to be gracious and let her win. I beat her in nine consecutive times, and in a fit of rage, she threw the game pieces at me.

Fun! Was her name Jenny by any chance?

Matt's unfortunate story makes him an appealing underdog. Plus, he's an investment banker, so he can afford the sort of dating lifestyle that Megan can guide him toward, if she's up to the task. However, in the end, Jason's the closer. As of Sunday night, a leading plurality of 45.9% from the online readers agree. Megan, we wish you well no matter who you choose, whether it's Jason, Chris, or Matt.

*cough cough* or me *cough*