New York Post Dating: Meet A Man Who Could Sell Ice To Eskimos
Linky linky.
Wow, Jason is that good. I've marveled for the past two weeks at Jason's strong dating profile, and The Closer made his potential a reality when he took Elizabeth-who-looks-like-Bree out on a date that went fabulously.
Details? Bree is just a sweet girl from Virginia who likes her men polite, charming, and handsome. Her type of man is listed in the dictionary under the word "suitor." Jason, who never met a customer he couldn't sell to, took on the role of suitor and acted as the perfect gentleman. He even brought her flowers to the date! What a guy!
The best quote, if I could pick just one:
Anyway, Bree wants to keep seeing him, and they're going to the movies this week, so score a win for Tom and Mackenzie. We've got a three-week winning streak going here, going back to Dena's back-on-the-scene date. (Not to rain on the parade, but we needed a winning streak after this disaster).
Who's up next? Another recycled Meet Market candidate! It's Elyse, the girl who blew away the polls three weeks ago. No new information here - she's cute, but she's got a weird, sometimes contradictory profile - so I'll just include this picture caption copied exactly as-is from the Post's website:
Three fun guys to choose from this week:
John's a mid 20's actor, going for the bedheaded look. He looks like he bats for the other team, no? Well, according to the New York Times, you just can't tell anymore... vaguely gay is hot now. (Or was, before they mentioned it) Anyway, we'll assume that he's just an expensively dressed metrosexual hetero male. He likes to sleep in on the weekends, which somewhat fits Elyse's lifestyle as described in her profile. So he's definitely in the hunt. Now, time for a story break:
Next, Phillipe is a mid 20's law student. A quick aside: how do female daters really look upon law students? I can't tell. I mean, such men would be very intelligent and have excellent earnings potential, but they're still in school. Also, they're most likely broke. Do women embrace the brains, or do they lack the patience to hang out with a guy who has no money and little time to himself? Anyway, back on track - He's a little funny looking (handsome, yet his clothes fit oddly big, and he's got that head-tilt smile that should have qualified this photo to be shredded and burned). He likes farmers' markets, for undisclosed reasons (I don't think I'd want to know). And then there's this - he's got a bad case of BBD, revealed with the following quote about the NY dating scene:
Then, we have Evan, a mid-20's editorial assistant. Another quick observation, we have a pretty good representation of young-20's male professionals here. The artsy type, the high-flying-job type, and the media type. Continuing:
Okay, so what's the verdict here? It's Evan on one condition - Elyse must not smoke. Considering all other things, their tastes are probably a close match and I think Elyse will be well-entertained enough to consider future dates. (Love? I don't think anyone here is ready. Let's just try for a match that won't bore Elyse to death) The voters agree with my assessment, giving Evan 75% of the vote. John wouldn't be a bad pick either, assuming that he dates females. (You'd think that would be a sure thing, right? We've seen worse fuckups in this dating column) Phillipe, meanwhile, gets his profile back dripping with red ink from revision marks - he looks like a nice and interesting guy, so I think he's got great potential if he can get the words right.
And with that, I bid you mehalo.
Wow, Jason is that good. I've marveled for the past two weeks at Jason's strong dating profile, and The Closer made his potential a reality when he took Elizabeth-who-looks-like-Bree out on a date that went fabulously.
Details? Bree is just a sweet girl from Virginia who likes her men polite, charming, and handsome. Her type of man is listed in the dictionary under the word "suitor." Jason, who never met a customer he couldn't sell to, took on the role of suitor and acted as the perfect gentleman. He even brought her flowers to the date! What a guy!
The best quote, if I could pick just one:
"She mentioned that she was happy "not to get someone sarcastic" so I was like, that was lucky! Usually I am more like that. But Elizabeth was so nice that I didn't want to joke around with her in that way, or make her uncomfortable.... But also, it's part of the strange thing about dating, right? Her personality - which is very polite and charming - made me want to be polite and charming as well."I told you, this guy is good. That's why he's The Closer. If there were a Meet Market Hall of Fame, this guy would be one of the charter inductees.
Anyway, Bree wants to keep seeing him, and they're going to the movies this week, so score a win for Tom and Mackenzie. We've got a three-week winning streak going here, going back to Dena's back-on-the-scene date. (Not to rain on the parade, but we needed a winning streak after this disaster).
Who's up next? Another recycled Meet Market candidate! It's Elyse, the girl who blew away the polls three weeks ago. No new information here - she's cute, but she's got a weird, sometimes contradictory profile - so I'll just include this picture caption copied exactly as-is from the Post's website:
She's not afraid to laza around!.This dating ad has been brought to you by the Tom Sykes and Mackenzie Dawson Parks Graduate School of Language and Literature. Enrlol [sic] today!
Three fun guys to choose from this week:
John's a mid 20's actor, going for the bedheaded look. He looks like he bats for the other team, no? Well, according to the New York Times, you just can't tell anymore... vaguely gay is hot now. (Or was, before they mentioned it) Anyway, we'll assume that he's just an expensively dressed metrosexual hetero male. He likes to sleep in on the weekends, which somewhat fits Elyse's lifestyle as described in her profile. So he's definitely in the hunt. Now, time for a story break:
What was your worst date ever? It was my junior prom, and my date was in on a sick joke with my ex-girlfriend to make sure I didn't have a good time. When we got to the prom, my date informed me that she doesn't dance and was just going to sit down all evening. That might not seem so bad, except that I am a dancer and loved to dance the night away at school dances. Not that night. I just sat.Ah, a male actor who dresses expensively and loves to dance? If anything, look for this guy in the Times' Sunday Styles section soon! He's practically made for them!
Next, Phillipe is a mid 20's law student. A quick aside: how do female daters really look upon law students? I can't tell. I mean, such men would be very intelligent and have excellent earnings potential, but they're still in school. Also, they're most likely broke. Do women embrace the brains, or do they lack the patience to hang out with a guy who has no money and little time to himself? Anyway, back on track - He's a little funny looking (handsome, yet his clothes fit oddly big, and he's got that head-tilt smile that should have qualified this photo to be shredded and burned). He likes farmers' markets, for undisclosed reasons (I don't think I'd want to know). And then there's this - he's got a bad case of BBD, revealed with the following quote about the NY dating scene:
...it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet, where you eat too much and feel sick.Naturally, I have a billion wise-ass remarks right about now. To start, reading Phillipe's profile doesn't overfill me, but rather presents me with a straight case of food-poisoning. Or, indeed, NYC is like an all-you-can-eat buffet - a tits-and-ass smorgasboard, except all the food's been out a little too long. And, if you do indulge too much in the dating scene, you won't only be emotionally sick, but you'll also probably catch a few illnesses along the way. This quote is rich in metaphors. And Phillipe is rich in not-getting-picked-for-a-date.
Then, we have Evan, a mid-20's editorial assistant. Another quick observation, we have a pretty good representation of young-20's male professionals here. The artsy type, the high-flying-job type, and the media type. Continuing:
I also have a very serious side, and like having intellectual conversations.I know some people don't think of themselves as idiots, but you simply must figure out a better way of expressing that sentiment than saying "I like having intellectual conversations." Especially for a guy who works in publishing! More about Evan: he likes tapas, loves his iPod, and hates smoking. He wants an intelligent girl with whom he can listen to his Postal Service CD (hipster band of the day). Fair enough, although I find all of this to be a bit too artificially highbrow - I mean, what does an EA make in NYC? Not more than $35,000 right? That's not paying for any kind of sushi that I'd willingly eat. (yet another stomach-illness reference)
Okay, so what's the verdict here? It's Evan on one condition - Elyse must not smoke. Considering all other things, their tastes are probably a close match and I think Elyse will be well-entertained enough to consider future dates. (Love? I don't think anyone here is ready. Let's just try for a match that won't bore Elyse to death) The voters agree with my assessment, giving Evan 75% of the vote. John wouldn't be a bad pick either, assuming that he dates females. (You'd think that would be a sure thing, right? We've seen worse fuckups in this dating column) Phillipe, meanwhile, gets his profile back dripping with red ink from revision marks - he looks like a nice and interesting guy, so I think he's got great potential if he can get the words right.
And with that, I bid you mehalo.
posted by Brian Van at
10:51 AM
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