New York Post Meet Market: When You're Smiling... Keep On Smiling... The Whole World Smiles With You...

It's Sunday, which means it's time for Meet Market to catch up on last week's daters

And now it's Tuesday, which means I have to check in on this clown show and see if Tom and Mackenzie, International Woman of Mystery, are doing their job and slinging a few of Cupid's arrows out into the dating pool - rather than the daggers that most people would rather throw at each other. Isn't romance lovely?

It seems that Mr. Pouty Face Steve got a bad rap last week, because he has a much better demeanor than I attributed to him. He chose Eve and had a wonderful time with her. All the more that it was a mistake to have a flat expression for his dater photo. It's okay to look bored if you live your life bored; at least that's truthful. It's unfortunate, though, if you enjoy the company of others but cannot convey that in your dating profile.

People, if you spend more than 10 minutes putting together your resume, you should put at least that much time preparing your materials for your dating profile! That's the other half of your life, after all! And if I've said that before, it's worth repeating.

Anyway, quotables:

Steve: When Eve walked in, my first thought was that her photo didn't do her justice.

Well, at least that first date was good, Steve. Because Eve's going to think twice about a second one after that remark. I know it was meant to be a compliment, but it never comes out that way. Ever.
(I myself have been tripped up over this - just not publicly in the New York Post, which makes it worse!)

Eve: I was very relieved when I saw a handsome man waiting for me, and knew I could ditch my escape plan.

Escape plan! I love it! I envision rescue helicopters with rope ladders swooping in to take Eve away if Steve even does so much as pick his nose! Of course, we've seen what happens when you have a poorly formed escape plan, so I prefer a prepared approach to a hasty exit.

In any case, they like each other. Score one for the Post. Yay!

Our next dater - made from 100% Recycled dating pool stock - is Boris, who was the other guy who lost out to King Worst Matt for the chance to date Queen Worst Liberal Leslie. I think Boris reads The Lectern, because he's seemed to have taken my advice:

Ahhh, poor Boris. Fix up the profile and you'll be a winner, trust me.

Well, his profile is a lot better now, so I guess he's ready for action.

(I didn't get a chance to somehow work in the joke about Boris looking like a cross between Dracula and Finch from American Pie. Sorry readers, I'm not my sharpest this week. I promise I'll do better in the future.)

Our first potential match for Boris is Michelle, standing in the attractive hands-on-hips pose that Jen Dziura so skillfully mocked when she guest-authored.

I've been known to order mojitos, caipirinhas and lychee martinis in certain settings.

I guess she doesn't hang out at Hogs and Heifers, eh?

Your ideal date? A fantastic dinner followed by a fantastic concert. You saw that one coming, didn't you? I'm a simple girl.

Minor qualm: how simple is it to set up a fantastic dinner with fantastic concert seats? Not simple at all. You can't even figure out the Ticketmaster convenience charges without having your CPA on-hand. But I do get the message. She likes the usual activities. (She mentioned karaoke earlier, too.) She'd do well with a light-hearted and compassionate guy. I think Boris is a little too heavy for Michelle, which is unfortunate because they both look like nice people. Next please.

Rebecca is our second choice and is a teacher like Boris. Seems like a good start.

What do you like to do when you're not working? I have a lot of answers to this - reading heavy books like Proust or Tolstoy, grilling swordfish or roasting vegetables, seeing movies at BAM or hanging out in Prospect Park with a picnic; hatching incredible plans in the living room with some friends and a few drinks.

You know what? She looks great for Boris. She's a nice woman and seems to be balanced quite well to fit with his demeanor. Oooh, I'm excited!

Our final choice is Sabre, an attorney. No relation to Sabre from American Gladiators.

How would you describe yourself? I am warm, funny, interesting and intelligent.

I'm waiting for the day when I see someone answer this with the words "cold bitch." I will likely need to clean up a lot of coffee off the wall in the back of my computer monitor if that ever happens.

I can charm the pants off of anyone!

Such modesty. But you know you won't be wearing pants at the end of the night, so it all works out. Sabre's not a bad girl to have around, but she can't win this contest:

If we were to ask your best friend about what kind of person they'd like to see you end up with, what would they say? A smart, funny intellectual; a guy who enjoys the nightlife and is always up for an adventure. Someone who has an open mind and something interesting to say.

Bad match for Boris, who is bad at smalltalk. Sometimes a match between two good people just cannot work. Sorry, Sabre.

The easy pick is Rebecca. Everything's looking rosy for her and Boris to go out and have a lovely time together, and perhaps spark some romance along the way. The polls are going with Michelle, which is a nice vote of confidence for her, but I explained above why that ultimately wouldn't work out. Also, most of the pollsters haven't been analyzing this column for a year. I have. Who would you rather listen to? (I thought so.)