New York Post Dating: Dancing With The Stars

Let's cut the silliness for a second; everyone's reading this blog now. Tom & Mackenzie, many of the former daters, half of Gawker's readership, and probably all the girls I've dated in New York who dumped me for real estate brokers. Plus, my face is now on this blog. The stakes are indeed raised. I actually have to spellcheck my entries now. I'll meet the pressure with unbridled enthusiasm, of course; our vast team of creative professionals (all the voices in my head, that is) will be working around the clock to deliver more content than ever before. So keep reading!

Back to the silliness, because the Meet Market is what counts the most.

Kelli, our heroine, chose Mark the actor for her date. I initially warned against this because Mark, while looking good, seemed to be a bit average. I never found anything particularly wrong with being "average", but somehow I thought David was a better pick. No matter, though - Kelli and Mark had a wonderful time together, and hit it off fabulously.

In the column, you'll see a picture of them that's very appealing and looks as if it were captured mid-tango. Although dancing wasn't a part of the date, they seem to have both truly enjoyed themselves. Kelli spills that a future date is planned, so maybe there will be a tango in the future! Three cheers for these two happy winners!

I observed that Kelli's writeup, by the way, was far more interesting than Mark's. I guess Mark just isn't the writer type, and perhaps that threw me off last week. I thought he was phenomenally more charming on the date than he was in either his profile or post-date writeup. (Is that a pun? Post-date? Ugh.) Ah, such is the difficulty of trying to divine success from hasty answers to dating profile questions.

I also have to be thankful for this: I gave Kelli the benefit of the doubt when she said she wanted someone who wasn't "boring." That could mean a lot of things, on one extreme end meaning that Kelli is hard to entertain and has no patience for those who don't fit the Tom Wolfe-like definition of "master of the universe." Many girls in New York are like that, but that wasn't the case with Kelli, and I shied away from that assumption on a gut feeling. Not all of my gut feelings are correct, but sometimes they help a lot.

Speaking of instincts, next week's chooser is someone who in the past definitely seemed to be greater than the sum of her profile: Virnalisa! I said several weeks ago:

Virnalisa might be the type of girl that you'd want to marry.

The rest of her profile wasn't as strong, but I had a hunch that she was alright. I'm not sure if this was in her profile the last time, but this line shows that she's a nice girl with a healthy dose of date savvy:

Virnalisa's ideal date would involve a restaurant with great ambience and eclectic food - "And an impressive wine list, or at least good sangria! Afterwards, we'd go out dancing."

I like that. Especially the sangria part. *hiccup!*

Our suitors:

Phillip, a 27-year-old partner in a trading firm. He's got money, ladies! Otherwise, he seems like a man's man - plays poker, likes sports, and doesn't mind heavy drinking on a date. I think he's an interesting and cool guy, certainly, but is he a little too rough and tumble for Virnalisa? I don't know. We'll keep him in mind.

Oh, and guys, never admit drinking anything pink. Unless it's Pepto Bismol.

Next, we have Todd, who I'll nickname Catbert for fun. Yes, he works in Human Resources - which means he knows your medical records and he's been filing your expense forms for all those stops at the clinic recently. (It's all come up negative, I swear!)

How would you describe yourself? I'm the most well-rounded person that I know - and I'm not bragging!

Understood, Todd, but I'd have clipped that line anyway. Your interests are strong enough to give that impression on their own.

My life has never been about amassing wealth.

I don't think Phillip and Todd would have much to talk about together.

I'm a hopeless romantic who realizes that people who date in the 21st century are often anything but romantic.

Good guy, great beginning, bad ending. Don't blame others for your frustration. Just stand tall and let your heart do the talking. The only other noteworthy thing is that Todd ended up on a date with a Long Island girl who was sexually aggressive and kind of cheesy. Since he was freaked out, he might find Virnalisa (the polar opposite) to be quite the catch. Meanwhile, if you're the type of girl who wears a fake tan and boob glitter, give me a call, pookie-wookie.

Last, we have Luke. Does he have the Force with him? (Do I have anything better than jokes from a quarter of a century ago?) He looks exactly like Curt Schilling, which we won't hold against him. (those awful Sox. gag.) He enjoys Sunday brunch, inappropriate conversations, good movies, good cheese, and Stella Artois. I couldn't have come up with better myself. Maybe Virnalisa will dig that? I noted that he abstained from the worst date question. Awesome! I hate that question, dude.

It’s a tough field this week. Virnalisa's got three pretty reasonable guys to choose from. I think Catbert is the softest and cuddliest, so I'll pick him. Virnalisa can't go wrong either way. (Phillip’s winning the voting, if you’re curious) Cheers to Tom and Mackenzie for setting up Virnalisa once again, and for giving her some excellent choices.

(Do something wrong again. Please. It's hard to write this when you're on a winning streak!)