New York Post Dating: Liars & Racists + Smokers
Link to the NYP Dating contents page...
From last week, our "vivacious 24-year-old fundraiser" Abby chose... errr, who? Jason, 28? Who is this guy? Or, more appropriately, why are the picture name captions switched? Isn't this the 35-year-old Neil from last week in the restaurant picture? A misprint, perhaps? I know it was, I have the original posted web page! I can prove that they screwed up the info that they posted about two of the three guys. In any case, it's as if she chose someone that wasn't even on the original list.
Which is not really a big deal anyway, since I saw a weak matchup from the start and it turns out the eventual date was cold like a skinny dip in Alaska. She didn't seem sparks but she wanted to leave the door open to things. Jason, however, all but filed a restraining order. Apparently, she's a smoker, and he hates smokers. So forget it!
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This shellacking of the New York Post Dating column has been brought to you by "the fabulous Wildflower restaurant on Bleecker Street." Our unwitting food critic says, "Wildflower was an absolutely adorable place; it was very cozy, and the whole vibe of the place was great. It was decorated with bright yellow walls, which gave the whole space a very warm feeling. It felt very relaxed and very homey - a perfect spot for a first date. The food and wine were absolutely amazing! It was one of the best dinners I have had in a long time." And our readers agree: "The dinner we had was absolutely fantastic, and I would recommend it to anybody. It had a really nice vibe and very cool music!" Tonight's specials are a cold antipasti, a large-sized gazpacho with garlic bread, and a wonderful steak tartare with a side of blue balls.
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Can a new couple end our long winter of discontent this week? No one's gotten laid here in a while, you know. (As you'll see, that's a common complaint)
You know a profile is going down the tubes when the first thing you see is a picture caption that says, "Culture vulture Eric also likes a good guffaw." Fuck you for making me read that. Let's let Eric do his own talking: "27-year-old film editor and proud Brooklynite," "obsessively consuming forms of media and pop culture," "likes watching TV shows like 'The Wire,' 'Arrested Development' and 'The Amazing Race' - Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it!" Relevant info: "I'm a big fan of the talking date as opposed to the activity date... I like the idea of changing the scenery a few times on the date... it makes it seem more like an adventure." Okay, we have something to work with here. Eric's reasonable looking for a male, without being too pretty (he looks older than 27 - and he's balding), so it might not be too hard to find someone suitable for him...
Amber is 29. That picture is criminal. We can all safely assume that she looks much cuter in real life - and once again, damn the Post for being unable to take good pictures of good-looking people. She looks like she's constipated. They asked what she drinks, and she named things that cost over $12 a glass... so she must make good money. She's looking for a smart guy, a conversationalist. So far, Eric is not a bad match, if perhaps likely being too poor to buy her the drinks she likes (unless she all of a sudden develops a taste for PBR in a can)
... and here's where her profile jumps the median into oncoming traffic.
Brooke is 24, has a cute receptionist vibe, is definitely cerebral, and might be a bit full of herself.
Ann is 24 and is an Advertising Assistant just like Brooke. After last week's word jumble, I have the feeling that we can count on the fact that one of these girls is not 24 and is not an Advertising Assistant. Who knows what they are? Here's what we do know about Ann: she practices yoga, she likes reading, she enjoys walking, she's aggressive about pursuing smart guys, she insists on good hygeine, she does text messaging (minor warning sign about impersonal communication habits, but we can let it go), and has a friend that thinks she should be washing dishes in the morning. (???) I think she's cute, and I think her personality is way better than Brooke's. Also, she's not severely jaded like Amber. She made it through the "worst date" question alive, too. And, I think her and Eric would make a cute couple.
I'm going with... (drumrollll) Ann! The voters, however, disagree - they choose Amber's adoration for articulation above Ann's all around appeal. (alliteration, always assinine) Amber's got quite the lead in the voting... and Brooke, as cute as she looks, is getting a drubbing here! Wow, you don't see that often. I'm telling you, this is a tough dating town...
Next week: our Valentine's Day special! Our exact same regular column, with extra misanthropic flavoring! (yes, it's because the author is single, and is also being forced to attend an engagement party. It's for his younger brother, which makes it all the more bitter and frustrating)
See you then!
From last week, our "vivacious 24-year-old fundraiser" Abby chose... errr, who? Jason, 28? Who is this guy? Or, more appropriately, why are the picture name captions switched? Isn't this the 35-year-old Neil from last week in the restaurant picture? A misprint, perhaps? I know it was, I have the original posted web page! I can prove that they screwed up the info that they posted about two of the three guys. In any case, it's as if she chose someone that wasn't even on the original list.
Which is not really a big deal anyway, since I saw a weak matchup from the start and it turns out the eventual date was cold like a skinny dip in Alaska. She didn't seem sparks but she wanted to leave the door open to things. Jason, however, all but filed a restraining order. Apparently, she's a smoker, and he hates smokers. So forget it!
==========================
This shellacking of the New York Post Dating column has been brought to you by "the fabulous Wildflower restaurant on Bleecker Street." Our unwitting food critic says, "Wildflower was an absolutely adorable place; it was very cozy, and the whole vibe of the place was great. It was decorated with bright yellow walls, which gave the whole space a very warm feeling. It felt very relaxed and very homey - a perfect spot for a first date. The food and wine were absolutely amazing! It was one of the best dinners I have had in a long time." And our readers agree: "The dinner we had was absolutely fantastic, and I would recommend it to anybody. It had a really nice vibe and very cool music!" Tonight's specials are a cold antipasti, a large-sized gazpacho with garlic bread, and a wonderful steak tartare with a side of blue balls.
==========================
Can a new couple end our long winter of discontent this week? No one's gotten laid here in a while, you know. (As you'll see, that's a common complaint)
You know a profile is going down the tubes when the first thing you see is a picture caption that says, "Culture vulture Eric also likes a good guffaw." Fuck you for making me read that. Let's let Eric do his own talking: "27-year-old film editor and proud Brooklynite," "obsessively consuming forms of media and pop culture," "likes watching TV shows like 'The Wire,' 'Arrested Development' and 'The Amazing Race' - Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it!" Relevant info: "I'm a big fan of the talking date as opposed to the activity date... I like the idea of changing the scenery a few times on the date... it makes it seem more like an adventure." Okay, we have something to work with here. Eric's reasonable looking for a male, without being too pretty (he looks older than 27 - and he's balding), so it might not be too hard to find someone suitable for him...
Amber is 29. That picture is criminal. We can all safely assume that she looks much cuter in real life - and once again, damn the Post for being unable to take good pictures of good-looking people. She looks like she's constipated. They asked what she drinks, and she named things that cost over $12 a glass... so she must make good money. She's looking for a smart guy, a conversationalist. So far, Eric is not a bad match, if perhaps likely being too poor to buy her the drinks she likes (unless she all of a sudden develops a taste for PBR in a can)
... and here's where her profile jumps the median into oncoming traffic.
"All I kept thinking was, I can't even get the guys I don't want!"*sigh* It was nice knowing you, Amber. Get help.
"I'm seriously thinking of writing a book called 'No Sex in the City: The Real Story of Dating in N.Y.C.'"
Brooke is 24, has a cute receptionist vibe, is definitely cerebral, and might be a bit full of herself.
What's sexy? My ideal guy not only gets my sense of humor but can throw it back at me.... plus more comments indicating that she needs no one to love, she already loves herself. She's not terribly arrogant to the point where I'd discount her, but I'm cautious nonetheless - Eric isn't an underwear model type of guy, so she might be unimpressed. Speaking of things she's unimpressed by:
If you're asking, I hate football. I don't really watch sports on TV (unless it's the Olympics). And no fratheads, please!Yikes. Eric, the movie master, might be reminded here of a particularly good flick - "Saving Silverman." She'll ban him from his friends and make him get ass cheek implants! (hey, that would make for good reading in the Post...)
Ann is 24 and is an Advertising Assistant just like Brooke. After last week's word jumble, I have the feeling that we can count on the fact that one of these girls is not 24 and is not an Advertising Assistant. Who knows what they are? Here's what we do know about Ann: she practices yoga, she likes reading, she enjoys walking, she's aggressive about pursuing smart guys, she insists on good hygeine, she does text messaging (minor warning sign about impersonal communication habits, but we can let it go), and has a friend that thinks she should be washing dishes in the morning. (???) I think she's cute, and I think her personality is way better than Brooke's. Also, she's not severely jaded like Amber. She made it through the "worst date" question alive, too. And, I think her and Eric would make a cute couple.
I'm going with... (drumrollll) Ann! The voters, however, disagree - they choose Amber's adoration for articulation above Ann's all around appeal. (alliteration, always assinine) Amber's got quite the lead in the voting... and Brooke, as cute as she looks, is getting a drubbing here! Wow, you don't see that often. I'm telling you, this is a tough dating town...
Next week: our Valentine's Day special! Our exact same regular column, with extra misanthropic flavoring! (yes, it's because the author is single, and is also being forced to attend an engagement party. It's for his younger brother, which makes it all the more bitter and frustrating)
See you then!
posted by Brian Van at
8:46 AM
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