New York Post Dating: A Tall Order Comes Up Short

After all of my blabbering from last week (I'm still writing that post, actually), Stephanie chose Dave. This is in spite of the fact that Dave got less than 20% of the votes overall. As a side note, next time I'll give the readers a little bit more credit, as Josh lost his lead and Aaron got 60% of the votes - as I said last week, he should have been the guy for the date. Overall, the results were sensible, and I'm no longer in trauma (for the moment). Well, that's said and done... how did these two do?

Dave says:

"I tried to make myself look smart and respectable for the date..."

Killer confidence there, dude. He continues:

"She was definitely beautiful, so my initial reaction was great."

That prose simply dances off the page, doesn't it?

"One of the first things I asked her was why she had chosen me - she said she liked what I had written in the paper. But as we talked, it turned out we had a lot in common."

Seriously, I'm going to stab myself in the eyes if there's much more of this.

"Then it turned out that we both grew up on the North Shore on Long Island..."

We are officially in the 6th level of hell. We're all sitting here reading about two kids from Lawn-Guyy-Land having a silly conversation. Jesus Christ. If they start talking about "The OC", I'm officially ending this review.

Luckily, no tawdry TV dramas are mentioned. The rest of Dave's part is unremarkable; something about Italian food, something about Bistro Musee, something about a kiss on the cheek, and something about taking it slow. Feh.

Steph says:

"There was not one silent moment and we had lots and lots to talk about, so you've got to love that."

Indeed, Steph. You're in love:

"I have to say the height difference put me off a bit. He was really tall - he must have been 6-foot-4 and I am 5-foot-2."

Date OVER! What did I tell you about 22-year-old girls? She's absolutely not into him. It keeps going:

"To be totally honest, I recently broke up with a boyfriend, and I'm not sure that I'm looking for a serious relationship at the moment." "Part of the reason I entered Meet Market was just that it's really good for me to get out and meet new people, and we definitely had a brilliant time." "...he is a really great guy - but I'm not sure if there was an attraction there."

And this additional gem: "...he looked much better in real life than he did in his picture..." Gotta love those backhanded compliments.

She claims "I would love to hang out with David and some of my friends sometime," but probably not. And the two shall never meet again.

Onto this week's daters:
Meet Ethan, who gets clobbered with the titles of "foodie" and "hungry". Works in the music industry. Looking for women with "a combination of intelligence, confidence, humility and, of course, a 'sense of humor and good looks.'" Kinda shooting high when you need to get set-up by The New York Post, eh? He looks rather impatient. More likely than not, he needs to find a perfect girl to introduce to his mommy.

Now serving:

Rachel the cat lady. Seems like she's got a couple of cats sleeping on her forehead, actually... no, wait, those are just her eyebrows, Peter Gallagher stizz. ($1 royalty check to be mailed to whatevs.org, please!) What's she looking for? "Someone who is easygoing..." BZZZT! Nope! Ethan is not easygoing! Stick a fork in her, she's done!

Adrienne, 27, goddess from the high heavens. Oh my! She loves New York City! She does the Hamptons thing! She's totally unpretentious about the Hamptons thing! I'm in love! Il mio amore! Venuto con me per caffè in Union Square! Oh, wait, sorry... this is Ethan's date, my bad. Her "worst date" answer raises no red flags - a good thing, because that's a trick question. Her best date, on the other hand, involved beers, a back yard, and 4 hours of sitting around not doing much. Can she get any better? Do we even need to read the next profile?

Kim, 31, with a nice hairdo. Cool girl. No red flags here, but I do see some incompatibilities. First, she typically dates Irish or Italian men... and Ethan could never be mistaken for either one. Second, she considers "tighty-whitey underwear" a turnoff, and Ethan looks like he wears 5 pairs at once. (Maybe a size too tight, even) For what it's worth, I'd date Kim...

...but in the end, I have to go with Adrienne. The public once again makes a sensible choice, as Adrienne is walloping the other daters with a voting lead of historic margins. I also would predict a good date between these two, with one caveat: Ethan might be a raging asshole, and if he is, we are going to hear every word about it. We can count on the Post to give us that kind of entertainment, so you know I'll be first on line at the newsstand come Sunday morning! Until next week...