New York Post Dating: When We Said We Wanted A Piece of Ass, We Didn't Mean It That Way
(reminder: links are useful only on the week of 1/16/2005)
I voted for Chris to choose Kristie last week (Chris and Kristie - yikes, bad name pairing), and so did a clear majority of the other voters. Chris agreed, and selected her for the date. The Post, always looking for fun (if, by fun, you mean "unconventional situations that end up awkward and defeating for the daters, entertaining for the trashy readers"), decided to spring for a pre-dinner play this time around - a performance of "Pieces (of Ass)". Etcetera Etcetera is the restaurant that receives some good free publicity this week as a post-performance dinner venue. Luckily, this risky date setup went hitch-free, but unfortunately this good date did not lead to a good connection.
Kristie alludes to the age issue that I mentioned last week, and it's done in a way that seems to validate my prior analysis - she comments early-on that she "had no idea how old he was", and then drops a comment that he seemed "mature". She doesn't share much more detail about him - she talks far more about the play, the restaurant, and her own emotions far more than she discusses Chris. Even as she is generally complimentary about Chris, she doesn't go for him at all. I find that disappointing; Chris, it seemed, was a really good date (better than I would have expected), has the exact right attitude about trying to continue this partnership, and deserved a better attitude from Kristie. I think it all works out in the end for Chris, though, because I think he dodged a bullet. I was left with a VERY sour impression about Kristie: the thing about the rain and the umbrella made her look like a bitch; she failed to share any substantial observations about her date, which makes her look disinterested and rude; she seemed to be very cold about the prospect of a future date, which I feel is harsh and makes little sense given the fact that she never clearly explains her thinking about him. At best, she comes off looking like a flake. Chris might have done well on this date, but I think he deserves someone with more "maturity" than Kristie the next time.
I'd like to tell you that this week's daters have more hope for a happy connection (or maybe a "happy ending", heh heh), but sadly it seems like it'll be worse next week.
Stephanie is young. Really young. She seems like a nice person, but there's always a higher risk when setting up a younger adult on a date - this week's date was just one example of how immaturity can easily spoil a dating connection. Stephanie is only 22, and even though she seems like a nice person, it's going to be very difficult for her (just a year out of college) to find a lasting connection with any kind of male in New York City.
Especially these guys:
32 year-old Joshua. Stephanie was learning basic arithmetic while Josh was doing keg-stands. He's a computer analyst (plus: intelligent industry; minus: antisocial industry), has a sense of wit, and wants someone with conversation skills. His emphasis suggests that he has substantial, but not unreasonable, expectations for dialogue in a potential partner. Can your average charity worker fully keep up with a computer guy, or vice versa? Did I mention he's 10 years her senior? "Outlook not so good," Mr. Magic 8 Ball.
Aaron's 24, a little more age-appropriate for Stephanie. He's a "dental student", which I won't read into too much but I'll note that he's in the ballpark of what Stephanie should be looking for. Overall, he seems confident and mentally balanced. I don't see any warning signs in his profile. (How refreshing.)
Dave, the 25 year-old firefighter, seems to be a mix of inconsistent traits. He's a firefighter, owns a motorcycle, looks like a big meaty guy, and seems to be pretty simple (in a good way). On the other hand, he likes cooking, photography, paints himself as the nicest guy ever, and tries to be positive, sensitive, and philisophical. Plus, his picture has him looking very yuppieish and metrosexual. Do you really see that guy getting off his motorcycle or running into a burning building? No. And I judge this: he IS the guy that rides the motorcycle and runs into the burning building. He is NOT a yuppie or a serious photographer, photoblogger, whatever. He's trying too hard to look like something that he probably isn't. There is a chance that I'm wrong about that, but there's just too much contrast and not enough elaboration for me to take all of this at face value. Guys like this generally do not make great partners, because they are either trying too hard or are somewhat difficult to understand. But I'll be nice, and I won't rule him out.
Without making an absolute judgement, I voted for Aaron to see what the current results are. Aaron's hanging out at the low end of the voting, Dave's slightly higher, and Josh is winning with nearly 50% of the votes. This doesn't help me, because Josh is the LAST person I'd choose here. (he does have the best looks of the group, and he is a great pick for anyone who isn't so young, but that shouldn't overrule all other factors here)
Stephanie's wish-list includes nice eyes, and she enjoys the beach and hanging out at parties. Her interests seem typical for someone her age, yet none of these guys fit that particular profile. That's why I can't get too excited about any of these potential matchups; With Stephanie being so young, it's unlikely that she'll pursue romance with someone who isn't an immediate and convincing match. I don't really see someone her age spending a lot of time to warm up to anyone romantically, even though I think she'd probably find all of them to be likeable. That's too bad, because even though there's long term potential with Aaron, he's likely to be cast immediately into the friend zone. At that age (for either of them), that's the kiss of death; I don't think they'd stay in contact long enough, or substantially enough, to leave any potential for a romantic connection to come around eventually. It's likely that they'd never see each other again if she deigns him to be a friend on the first date.
Josh is likely too old for Steph, neither one of Dave's alternating personalities is a close match for Steph's expectations, and I can't convince myself that Stephanie would find Aaron to be an instant slam-dunk winner. And I've never said this much about a weekly matchup choice without wisecracking. I must be truly stumped.
So, if we can't find a good match, let's flip it around and try to find the worst one!
I can't see Josh having a problem with being judged to be too old for Steph - he'll likely agree and they'll both walk away unfulfilled but flattered. Pairing Dave and Steph would make for a weird and uncomfortable date for Steph and a lackluster experience for Dave, even as he likely would want to see her again. (Steph: "ummm, no.") Aaron might be cast off into the friend zone, but he'll really really like Steph and his immediate rejection would be the most painful one. So I go with Aaron. Her best pick will lead to the worst results. I'm stoked!
A last look at the popular sentiment here: Josh will win the poll because he's the most widely appealing guy of the group. Most people are probably thinking that these two can connect the best - and, at a quick glance, why not? Age ain't nothin' but a number, right? Well, it doesn't work like that. A 22 year-old and a 32 year-old are often in very different phases of life, and these two are nowhere close to each other in that respect. Do you think he's going to tag along to the college bars and keg parties that she attends with her friends? Or is she going to hang out with his early 30's friends at dinner parties and what not? (I can already see her gagging on caviar and pate, like Tom Hanks in "Big") Despite that the readers think the two prettiest people naturally deserve each other, these two are going to have serious reservations about their romantic potential given the available facts. If they got over their reservations, it would still be a very weird, perhaps creepy matchup. I find it scary that half the voters would approve this match at all. These are the readers that the staffers at the Post need to keep happy. I'm not one of those people - I'm an intelligent, befuddled reader who is horrified to be surrounded by all of these insane people. The burning question: can I reason with anyone about sensible dating strategy before I go insane myself?
*shakes 8 Ball*
"Don't Count On It"
Ahhh, fuck.
I voted for Chris to choose Kristie last week (Chris and Kristie - yikes, bad name pairing), and so did a clear majority of the other voters. Chris agreed, and selected her for the date. The Post, always looking for fun (if, by fun, you mean "unconventional situations that end up awkward and defeating for the daters, entertaining for the trashy readers"), decided to spring for a pre-dinner play this time around - a performance of "Pieces (of Ass)". Etcetera Etcetera is the restaurant that receives some good free publicity this week as a post-performance dinner venue. Luckily, this risky date setup went hitch-free, but unfortunately this good date did not lead to a good connection.
Kristie alludes to the age issue that I mentioned last week, and it's done in a way that seems to validate my prior analysis - she comments early-on that she "had no idea how old he was", and then drops a comment that he seemed "mature". She doesn't share much more detail about him - she talks far more about the play, the restaurant, and her own emotions far more than she discusses Chris. Even as she is generally complimentary about Chris, she doesn't go for him at all. I find that disappointing; Chris, it seemed, was a really good date (better than I would have expected), has the exact right attitude about trying to continue this partnership, and deserved a better attitude from Kristie. I think it all works out in the end for Chris, though, because I think he dodged a bullet. I was left with a VERY sour impression about Kristie: the thing about the rain and the umbrella made her look like a bitch; she failed to share any substantial observations about her date, which makes her look disinterested and rude; she seemed to be very cold about the prospect of a future date, which I feel is harsh and makes little sense given the fact that she never clearly explains her thinking about him. At best, she comes off looking like a flake. Chris might have done well on this date, but I think he deserves someone with more "maturity" than Kristie the next time.
I'd like to tell you that this week's daters have more hope for a happy connection (or maybe a "happy ending", heh heh), but sadly it seems like it'll be worse next week.
Stephanie is young. Really young. She seems like a nice person, but there's always a higher risk when setting up a younger adult on a date - this week's date was just one example of how immaturity can easily spoil a dating connection. Stephanie is only 22, and even though she seems like a nice person, it's going to be very difficult for her (just a year out of college) to find a lasting connection with any kind of male in New York City.
Especially these guys:
32 year-old Joshua. Stephanie was learning basic arithmetic while Josh was doing keg-stands. He's a computer analyst (plus: intelligent industry; minus: antisocial industry), has a sense of wit, and wants someone with conversation skills. His emphasis suggests that he has substantial, but not unreasonable, expectations for dialogue in a potential partner. Can your average charity worker fully keep up with a computer guy, or vice versa? Did I mention he's 10 years her senior? "Outlook not so good," Mr. Magic 8 Ball.
Aaron's 24, a little more age-appropriate for Stephanie. He's a "dental student", which I won't read into too much but I'll note that he's in the ballpark of what Stephanie should be looking for. Overall, he seems confident and mentally balanced. I don't see any warning signs in his profile. (How refreshing.)
Dave, the 25 year-old firefighter, seems to be a mix of inconsistent traits. He's a firefighter, owns a motorcycle, looks like a big meaty guy, and seems to be pretty simple (in a good way). On the other hand, he likes cooking, photography, paints himself as the nicest guy ever, and tries to be positive, sensitive, and philisophical. Plus, his picture has him looking very yuppieish and metrosexual. Do you really see that guy getting off his motorcycle or running into a burning building? No. And I judge this: he IS the guy that rides the motorcycle and runs into the burning building. He is NOT a yuppie or a serious photographer, photoblogger, whatever. He's trying too hard to look like something that he probably isn't. There is a chance that I'm wrong about that, but there's just too much contrast and not enough elaboration for me to take all of this at face value. Guys like this generally do not make great partners, because they are either trying too hard or are somewhat difficult to understand. But I'll be nice, and I won't rule him out.
Without making an absolute judgement, I voted for Aaron to see what the current results are. Aaron's hanging out at the low end of the voting, Dave's slightly higher, and Josh is winning with nearly 50% of the votes. This doesn't help me, because Josh is the LAST person I'd choose here. (he does have the best looks of the group, and he is a great pick for anyone who isn't so young, but that shouldn't overrule all other factors here)
Stephanie's wish-list includes nice eyes, and she enjoys the beach and hanging out at parties. Her interests seem typical for someone her age, yet none of these guys fit that particular profile. That's why I can't get too excited about any of these potential matchups; With Stephanie being so young, it's unlikely that she'll pursue romance with someone who isn't an immediate and convincing match. I don't really see someone her age spending a lot of time to warm up to anyone romantically, even though I think she'd probably find all of them to be likeable. That's too bad, because even though there's long term potential with Aaron, he's likely to be cast immediately into the friend zone. At that age (for either of them), that's the kiss of death; I don't think they'd stay in contact long enough, or substantially enough, to leave any potential for a romantic connection to come around eventually. It's likely that they'd never see each other again if she deigns him to be a friend on the first date.
Josh is likely too old for Steph, neither one of Dave's alternating personalities is a close match for Steph's expectations, and I can't convince myself that Stephanie would find Aaron to be an instant slam-dunk winner. And I've never said this much about a weekly matchup choice without wisecracking. I must be truly stumped.
So, if we can't find a good match, let's flip it around and try to find the worst one!
I can't see Josh having a problem with being judged to be too old for Steph - he'll likely agree and they'll both walk away unfulfilled but flattered. Pairing Dave and Steph would make for a weird and uncomfortable date for Steph and a lackluster experience for Dave, even as he likely would want to see her again. (Steph: "ummm, no.") Aaron might be cast off into the friend zone, but he'll really really like Steph and his immediate rejection would be the most painful one. So I go with Aaron. Her best pick will lead to the worst results. I'm stoked!
A last look at the popular sentiment here: Josh will win the poll because he's the most widely appealing guy of the group. Most people are probably thinking that these two can connect the best - and, at a quick glance, why not? Age ain't nothin' but a number, right? Well, it doesn't work like that. A 22 year-old and a 32 year-old are often in very different phases of life, and these two are nowhere close to each other in that respect. Do you think he's going to tag along to the college bars and keg parties that she attends with her friends? Or is she going to hang out with his early 30's friends at dinner parties and what not? (I can already see her gagging on caviar and pate, like Tom Hanks in "Big") Despite that the readers think the two prettiest people naturally deserve each other, these two are going to have serious reservations about their romantic potential given the available facts. If they got over their reservations, it would still be a very weird, perhaps creepy matchup. I find it scary that half the voters would approve this match at all. These are the readers that the staffers at the Post need to keep happy. I'm not one of those people - I'm an intelligent, befuddled reader who is horrified to be surrounded by all of these insane people. The burning question: can I reason with anyone about sensible dating strategy before I go insane myself?
*shakes 8 Ball*
"Don't Count On It"
Ahhh, fuck.
posted by Brian Van at
11:21 AM
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