New York Post Meet Market: Initiation

We have a special theme for today's Meet Market review (to see the original, as always, look right here).

Mackenzie, International Woman of Mystery, has departed for another section of the newspaper. It's supposed to be called "@Work", but I'll bet dollars to donuts that Republican bashing, gossip items, and Asian numbers games will eventually be crammed into it.

In her place, our new co-writer is Laura Vogel. Let's give Laura a proper hazing, shall we? Everything that's wrong this week is officially her fault. None of it will probably be something she could have helped (especially being new and all), but we'll blame her anyway. We'll make a sport out of it.

First up, Chris from last week chose Anna. I recommended this pairing last week, but there was no rhyme or reason to it other than some distant form of egotism on my part. Well, who cares why? It worked anyway.

Chris comes perilously close to the "wow, you look better in person!" screw-up:

I had seen a picture of her, but it was still a little surprising to meet her for the first time in person. She looked great, wearing a black dress, definitely athletic, and I was struck by her nice smile.

Nice! I think she looks particularly cute in the picture used from the date. Chris, however, continues to look particularly bony. Aren't we glad the Post provided him with a meal?

In the annals of bullet-dodging:

Chris: Then the conversation pretty much went on a tear. She has traveled to some exotic spots. We both have traveled through Eastern Europe, but that turned out to be not so much of a coincidence, seeing how Anna seems to have been almost everywhere, not just Eastern Europe - East Asia, obscure little islands and places like that.

Somehow, I feel lucky to not have been forced to explain on my own date that Staten Island is an exotic trip for me. Perhaps Chris offered a more robust travel itinerary:

Anna: Chris and I talked about traveling (we've both been on some pretty interesting trips) and skiing (Chris makes a lot of winter ski trips) and any other topic that came up.

Good to play up the skiing angle - because if you're more of a beach person this time of year, you're SOL. Any other quotables, guys?

Anna: At one point, I told him I wanted to go to MoMA to see the Cezanne-Pissarro exhibit. He pulled out an extra guest pass he happened to have and gave it to me. Nice!

Bribery! Well, since he didn't seem to bring flowers, I guess we can consider this a rebound move. Laura, why didn't you tell him to bring flowers?! Big mistake!

In the end, they kissed good night and hope to see each other again. Another win for Cupid Murdoch.

This week, we have to set up Martha, who stands gloriously in front of a teal background. She looks like she's about to tell us the weather. She's "happy, social, silly, creative, independent, funny and a tad eccentric." Plus, she likes sewing! You know how much I like that! After all, with all these socks and all these holes...

Our story of the week: Martha lets the man of her dreams slip away -

Martha's worst date came courtesy of a day trader who couldn't stop blabbing about his bills.
"He spent the whole night talking about how much money he makes gambling and how he's so great," she recalls. "He promptly got drunk. Apparently when he's drunk, his favorite thing to talk about is how all women are only out for his money. When I took offense, he swore at me. When I decided to leave, he chased me outside, angry that I wasn't going home with him."

Umm, that's not even funny. Damn day-trading pricks. Laura, why didn't you give Martha an escape route for this nightmare date? (Note that I'm running really thin on these initiation ideas so far. Pretty soon I'm just going to have her drink a quart of milk and run up and down 10 flights of stairs like all the other Meet Market pledges.)

Who do we pair with the beautiful and fabulous Martha?

Hey, it's Phillippe again! Different pic, same "all-you-can-eat" line. Oh, and he drinks a lot. While listening to NPR. Well, if that's what gets you through Garrison Kellior...

Then there's Eric, the animator. That job sounds kind of fun. What can we glean about him from his profile?

What do you like doing when you're not working? People-watch, walk around Manhattan, play records and eat trail mix.

Oh, and animate stuff.

How would you describe yourself? A tall, gaunt man with a sardonically irreverent sense of humor.

(*scrambles to look that up in the dictionary...*)

What's attractive? What's sexy? Intelligence, jocular sense of humor, confidence and someone who has a positive body image.

Jocular? Well, I don't know if she likes contact sports, but Martha can sew! I kinda like Eric better than Phillippe at this point.

(Sorry, Phillippe. You'll meet someone someday. Hey Laura, why are you making Phillippe so unlucky at this dating game? Better have him be the lead dater soon; we don't want to leave this poor guy to fend for himself at TGI Friday's.)

Finally, there's Dan the finance guy. He answers my favorite question:

What animal do you most resemble and why? I guess a golden retriever. Not too big, not too small, just the right size - handsome and muscular, without being too bulky. And I'm always happy and always smiling.

Hey Laura, why do you ask these silly beastiality-related questions? I like Dan's answer, but you must know already that few people answer this well. Time to retire it. You can ask this instead: Beatles or Stones? I think you can figure out everything you need to know about someone from that question. Important, never pair people who disagree.
(I'm just being silly, you know. But, do indeed retire the beastiality question)

Anyway, Dan's a pretty solid guy. There isn't a lot of detail in the profile, though, that makes him look suitable for Martha. I think Eric, by virtue of being more creative, looks like Martha's type. 60% of the pollsters agree.

That's all for this week. Welcome to the party, Laura Vogel! I hope our little hazing exercise didn't hurt you too much! Just be prepared for some more of it here at the Lectern, from now through the indefinite future! Heh heh heh!