November 17, 2004
I'm back. For two posts.
No birthdays. Down to biz:
* Half of Bush's administration resigns. Ummm, so much for a "re-election" when more than half the faces in the building will be new or in different positions.
* Star Jones, aka "Bridezilla", finally gets married, commits more brazenly tacky and boorish acts than we could have possibly imagined. I'm totally hoping they bring Donald Trump on "The View" to can her ass with a nice, hearty, "You're Fired!" and cast her off into celebrity oblivion.
* RIP Ol Dirty Bastard, who rung up everyone's death pools harder than Rick James sitting down with Charlie Sheen, Tara Reid, and a box of white powdered rat poison.
* Fights at rap awards. *YAAAAWN*
* Female aid worker, held hostage, brutally murdered in Iraq, caught on videotape and played on TV. Western world outraged, Arabs rationalize death as the sort of thing that may happen in these kind of situations. Meanwhile, a single Marine stupidly and brazely kills an unarmed Iraqi. Arab world outraged, Westerners rationalize death as the sort of thing that may happen in these kind of situations.
* People died in New York City. And many others are on trial for killing people in New York City. That sums up all the local news.
* Raj from The Apprentice keeps getting laid.
* New York Giants become's Vegas' favorite whipping boy, collapse late in the year (hey, they got FIVE wins this time! woo hoo!)
* Something about Steinbrenner, Pedro, Sheffield's wife, R Kelly, and Michael Jackson.
* Sears gobbles up K-Mart whole. Reminds me of when we knew this guy who had a boa constrictor and fed live mice to it in front of the whole neighborhood. Capitalism is fun!
* Cablevision sucks. The Knicks suck. The Rangers aren't even playing and they suck.
And now, for our feature presentation, coming up next...
No birthdays. Down to biz:
* Half of Bush's administration resigns. Ummm, so much for a "re-election" when more than half the faces in the building will be new or in different positions.
* Star Jones, aka "Bridezilla", finally gets married, commits more brazenly tacky and boorish acts than we could have possibly imagined. I'm totally hoping they bring Donald Trump on "The View" to can her ass with a nice, hearty, "You're Fired!" and cast her off into celebrity oblivion.
* RIP Ol Dirty Bastard, who rung up everyone's death pools harder than Rick James sitting down with Charlie Sheen, Tara Reid, and a box of white powdered rat poison.
* Fights at rap awards. *YAAAAWN*
* Female aid worker, held hostage, brutally murdered in Iraq, caught on videotape and played on TV. Western world outraged, Arabs rationalize death as the sort of thing that may happen in these kind of situations. Meanwhile, a single Marine stupidly and brazely kills an unarmed Iraqi. Arab world outraged, Westerners rationalize death as the sort of thing that may happen in these kind of situations.
* People died in New York City. And many others are on trial for killing people in New York City. That sums up all the local news.
* Raj from The Apprentice keeps getting laid.
* New York Giants become's Vegas' favorite whipping boy, collapse late in the year (hey, they got FIVE wins this time! woo hoo!)
* Something about Steinbrenner, Pedro, Sheffield's wife, R Kelly, and Michael Jackson.
* Sears gobbles up K-Mart whole. Reminds me of when we knew this guy who had a boa constrictor and fed live mice to it in front of the whole neighborhood. Capitalism is fun!
* Cablevision sucks. The Knicks suck. The Rangers aren't even playing and they suck.
And now, for our feature presentation, coming up next...
posted by Brian Van at
1:11 PM
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