NY Post Dating: Discreet or merely dull?
Last week's daters are going to be "just friends." Or are they? I read it twice. I don't believe it. Something is not right. They're very vague about how things went, and very unspecific about why things went good yet there's no romantic future. Plus, 2 1/2 hearts is a rating for a friendship? Puh-leeze. They fucked! Wouldn't it makes sense that, instead of just going to the cab and going seperate ways, she went over his place and they left sweaty handprints on the bedpost? I think it's a cover-up. They went at it like a couple of starved rabbits. That's what I think. Oh, and Raf won the voting at 50%. The Post should do Ilisa a favor and let her have his number too. Anyway...
This week's desperate dude is David. This time, they've put the archetypal Mr. Nice Guy up on the block. Are we sure he doesn't murder cats in his spare time? He's too well-molded to be a realistic candidate for a date - especially with the Post. Again, though, I'll give the benefit of the doubt.
Of course, the Post is all about irony and teeth-gnashing, so who are our lovely ladies to select from? A real-estate agent, a fashion designer, and... another fashion designer! Yes, David is supposedly a fashion designer himself (now that I think about it, I wouldn't rule him out as being gay quite yet), so the Post thought it would be good to double-dip into the same industry. Morons! Are we trying to send this guy to hell or something? Ladies in the fashion industry are often snobs - you can write me a billion e-mails telling me that I'm a fucking pig; oink oink baby and you know I'm definitely correct on this one - and real-estate agents are often sharky. Unless we have an indication that these are atypical girls in their respective industries, I predict an awful blind date.
So, let's see what these girls have to offer:
Stefani (real-estate) is also writing a screenplay, taking photos, and travelling "a lot." She's a self-described "sparkplug." She's looking for "who doesn't talk about themselves or their job." Eeek! "And a strong physical attraction, of course!" Eeeeeeeeeek! She's looking for, "Somebody who listens to the same music as I do." (losing consciousness now... must... breathe... deeply... okay better) She resembles, "A fox, because I am foxy." AAACK! But I saved the best for last, her dating history: "It's slim pickings out there. There are not many guys worth the limited amount of spare time I have." David: RUNNNNNNNN! Self obsessed and not open to other people's views! You'll either get whipped or face a nasty rejection! You deserve better!
Linda (fashion) does a lot of fucking shit when she's not working! Linda, are you only part-time fashion? She says she's "feisty" but adds, "It takes a lot to get me cranked." (??? contradictory) She seems to want a decisive and confident man, which makes me think she's a confident and decisive woman - she's earning major points right now. Her turn ons: "Assertiveness, confidence, flirting, skinny-dipping, thunderstorms, erotica and candlelight." So, a repeat of what we know, plus she likes to play a game of "Find the anal beads" every once in a while. Other than a hint that she's a beach-head, nothing here indicates that she's a dumb snotty broad. So, not a bad choice for a blind date (I mean, what else do you want to know about them before you date them? What color are their socks?)
Milda (fashion) goes upstate for wine tastings, which at 27 years old is a bad sign. She says about herself, "I am tall, blond, slender and have killer fashion sense!" (So, like, totally, those are, like, redeeming qualities!) Her dating history and her search criteria don't raise any flags; her turnoffs play more to her fashion sense than display actual screening criteria; she likes to dance, and she likes sex but not very often (yes, I read a lot into that last comment; this is my blog and I can do such things). Verdict: young, cute, maybe a bit narcissistic, but overall not bad.
I go with Linda, but Milda's got similar odds for a decent date. Linda's leading the voting with a healthy 37% vote, but strangely Stefani has a middle second at 34% (Milda has a respectable 29%, which could swing upward enough for the win but most likely won't). Tune in next week!
This week's desperate dude is David. This time, they've put the archetypal Mr. Nice Guy up on the block. Are we sure he doesn't murder cats in his spare time? He's too well-molded to be a realistic candidate for a date - especially with the Post. Again, though, I'll give the benefit of the doubt.
Of course, the Post is all about irony and teeth-gnashing, so who are our lovely ladies to select from? A real-estate agent, a fashion designer, and... another fashion designer! Yes, David is supposedly a fashion designer himself (now that I think about it, I wouldn't rule him out as being gay quite yet), so the Post thought it would be good to double-dip into the same industry. Morons! Are we trying to send this guy to hell or something? Ladies in the fashion industry are often snobs - you can write me a billion e-mails telling me that I'm a fucking pig; oink oink baby and you know I'm definitely correct on this one - and real-estate agents are often sharky. Unless we have an indication that these are atypical girls in their respective industries, I predict an awful blind date.
So, let's see what these girls have to offer:
Stefani (real-estate) is also writing a screenplay, taking photos, and travelling "a lot." She's a self-described "sparkplug." She's looking for "who doesn't talk about themselves or their job." Eeek! "And a strong physical attraction, of course!" Eeeeeeeeeek! She's looking for, "Somebody who listens to the same music as I do." (losing consciousness now... must... breathe... deeply... okay better) She resembles, "A fox, because I am foxy." AAACK! But I saved the best for last, her dating history: "It's slim pickings out there. There are not many guys worth the limited amount of spare time I have." David: RUNNNNNNNN! Self obsessed and not open to other people's views! You'll either get whipped or face a nasty rejection! You deserve better!
Linda (fashion) does a lot of fucking shit when she's not working! Linda, are you only part-time fashion? She says she's "feisty" but adds, "It takes a lot to get me cranked." (??? contradictory) She seems to want a decisive and confident man, which makes me think she's a confident and decisive woman - she's earning major points right now. Her turn ons: "Assertiveness, confidence, flirting, skinny-dipping, thunderstorms, erotica and candlelight." So, a repeat of what we know, plus she likes to play a game of "Find the anal beads" every once in a while. Other than a hint that she's a beach-head, nothing here indicates that she's a dumb snotty broad. So, not a bad choice for a blind date (I mean, what else do you want to know about them before you date them? What color are their socks?)
Milda (fashion) goes upstate for wine tastings, which at 27 years old is a bad sign. She says about herself, "I am tall, blond, slender and have killer fashion sense!" (So, like, totally, those are, like, redeeming qualities!) Her dating history and her search criteria don't raise any flags; her turnoffs play more to her fashion sense than display actual screening criteria; she likes to dance, and she likes sex but not very often (yes, I read a lot into that last comment; this is my blog and I can do such things). Verdict: young, cute, maybe a bit narcissistic, but overall not bad.
I go with Linda, but Milda's got similar odds for a decent date. Linda's leading the voting with a healthy 37% vote, but strangely Stefani has a middle second at 34% (Milda has a respectable 29%, which could swing upward enough for the win but most likely won't). Tune in next week!
posted by Brian Van at
3:37 PM
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